Free

 a poem by Joshua Brown

There once was a little boy who kicked me in the balls

He never said "I'm sorry" when I passed the churches walls

His father was so desperate for a friendly face one day

So I told that sorry piece of shit to go the other way.

 

My parents were aghast to hear the beef I had with him

So I left them never looking back to salty pillared SIMs.

Don't worry though, they got me back in no uncertain dubs

By befriending her I had divorced and also her new hubs.

 

Aha, it's just to love the kids that I had sired one day

Though my sister had been left to struggle hard along the way

We did not ask to have this life full betrayal and deceit

But choice I made to give to Her a child in repeat

 

I scarce could ask for freedom when I snatched it from Their hands

By robbing them of simple life with parents, friends and clans

In a world of kindly souls and happy meaningful lives

Retreating to a coward state of useless shrieking mind

 

The night before my wedding was a sheer and anxious well

Of loneliness and video games I distinctly remember still

On carpeted apartment floor I sat with CSR

Late into the night I raced my tiny digital car

 

I chose these empty people to surround myself with gain

Now pay the price I must to justify my continued pain

The people that I've ruined, broke, and hurt deserve my shame

Happy: look on at the fool I've made myself by calling them the same

 

Rubbing shoulders with the "Christians" but calling pastors "Fool"

I praised the ones who nee'r repented, built a phony Sunday School

But I was free.

 

Free I was to lie to those who trusted me for pow'r.

Free to get diseased from the poisoned lustful flower.

Free to lose my self-esteem by betraying my own life.

Free I was endangered by inviting stupid jealous strife.

Free I was to run away from petty violent knaves.

Free to practice sex in ways both cruel and depraved.

 

I have not paid the price for freedom thus to sin

My guilt aweighs my spirit down, I'm thirsty still and thin

Someday I'll find my freedom to live my childhood dream.

 

 

 

#poem #poetry #journal #personal #philosophy #guilt #confession