Angry at Aliveness

 a poem by Joshua Brown

When I was just a little boy I gave myself a zebra

Zoe was his little name.

He frolicked in the little house I built for him from boxes.

A little bed he lay in.

 

A tear was made in time and space to cut me off from Travis.

My face alive with tears.

But now he's dead and so am I from tearing child from Poppa.

No tears flow free.

 

Among the broken glass I walk with barren feet subhuman

Shattered glass ceiling

Glassy eyes from cigarette burns on skin I grin and frown

Cool glass pipe though.

 

The best and worst of life I lived by emptying myself

Among the dead I live.

Dead I walk in live betray'l of the little zebra keeper

Living in blood.

 

Shielding the walkers around me from deep violence inside

No sunlight that deep

In deep with the truth that makes it a lie but no one can tell

Deep submarine crushing

 

If I really wanted to be alive I would, I would be alive

I'm angry at aliveness

Instead of breathing I'll hide in a cave unalive to those I hate

Wasted alive animal

 

Two shitty people enraptured by fates decree of lust

Brain fated to injury

Paralyzed at conception to the blackmail of black fate.

A fate of shitty poetic judge.

 

Lol I judge them for believing the propaganda

Can you believe fifteen

Forced to believe in life and evolutionary rape as men

Lol believe not

 

But now they're fifty, thirty five years later trapped in time

To lust for time

It's time to grow the fuck up and decide to be a conscious

Time stands still

 

Sunlight fades as I challenge to a duel the very venomous snake

Very sharp fanged

A game of chicken underfoot to see who will be very brave

Not very brave.

 

Fuck playing the game, fuck the rules that you wrote for me

Stupid rule maker

The house will always win, the ruler will always follow incentives

To rule the slave.

 

Write me if you will from land far away filled with demons and scripts.

Russian land.

If you write, I won't play games, I want your land, for my Brown family

Your gaslighting won't land on me.

 

It worked.

Kill the zebra.

 

 

#poem #poetry #freeverse #abuse #parenting #childhood #violence #creativewriting